Interview with New Zealand team Captain’s Choice
Answers by Alison Green, the “captain’s choice”, on behalf of the team.
- Russ: Has your team been preparing for the event?
Alison: Good Lord, no! We haven’t even met each other yet, and we have trouble remembering each other’s names. I think Thomas might have emailed us once or twice, but we haven’t been paying attention. - Russ: Have you been practicing the Hake to intimidate the opposition?
Alison: Geeks are constitutionally banned from performing the Haka – we don’t have the muscle for it. Plus as we’re crap at working as a team it wouldn’t look good anyway. And Ali’s a girl and and girls don’t do the Haka. Just a cultural point – it’s the HAKA, not the Hake. A hake is a saltwater fish, either from the families Gadidae (subfamily Phycinae) or families Merlucciidae (both subfamilies Merlucciinae and Steindachneriinae). And we certainly aren’t practicing that. - Russ: How are you all going to cope with the sleep deprivation? Are the rumours of performance enhancing substances true?
Alison: Instead of a tech support team we’re bringing over two baristas (one spare in the case the first one keels over) and a supply of 25kg of coffee in our hand luggage, because everyone knows the Aussies can’t make a good cup of coffee to save their lives
- Russ: Do you have any secret weapons you intend to surprise us with on the day?
Alison: Yes, but we’re not going to tell you about them. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it? - Russ: What do you think are your team’s strengths and weaknesses?
Alison: Strengths – we’re awesome. Weaknesses – we don’t have any. Except perhaps we’re a little too modest for our own good. - Russ: How are you going to manage such a diverse range of people - from programmers to content writers?
Alison: Thomas is bringing a big stick with him. And he’ll be setting up a naughty corner in our workroom for time-out in case anyone gets completely out of hand. - Russ: What is your Project management style? “Lead by example”, “ranting lunatic”, “caring and supportive”… or all of the above?
Alison: Ranting lunatic – definitely. - Russ: If you win the competition, you will return to New Zealand as national heroes. But what happens if you lose - will you be lynched? Wil you be allowed back into the country?
Alison: We know that if we lose, we most definitely won’t be allowed back into the country. Kiwis have a history of being entirely unforgiving of losing teams. Our families are already preparing for a midnight flight out of New Zealand should we fail to bring back the cup (or whatever it is we get to bring back). The team will be put straight into the Kiwi version of the witness protection programme if we don’t win, and we’ll probably all end up in various small South American countries living out our days attempting to forget the shame of letting down the entire country. But as we’re going to win, we’re not really worried…